I’ve been working through how I want to live verse where I see my life now. The word fix has been used too many times throughout my therapy sessions, blog posts and everyday when I wake up and pray I can be fixed.
The truth is I felt like my spirit was broken for a long time. I knew I loved my family, my boyfriend and friends, but it was so scary to even walk into my kitchen and leave my room. I felt so sad and was so mean to myself for feeling that way. Everyday felt dark, I wanted to sleep through life and be sedated. I forgot all of the *things I loved for so long, but somehow, very recently they’ve crept back into my life.
*things = belting out Adele in my untinted car/ general human contact
I started writing to fill my alone time and get out all of the things I didn’t think anyone else cared about or could understand. It turns out, we’ve all struggled at some point or another. It’s been awesome to get messages from old friends and even strangers who tell me how much my writing resonates with them. This whole time I thought I was alone, when in reality we’re all in this together.
At first when I started to write I was lost and tired, but I found my spirit through sharing my truth and finding out it’s not lame to want to be excited for life or want to live better. I was worried about sharing my feelings/life and worried I might run out of content, but for as long as I am alive, my content will always be improving.
I’m done trying to be fixed. I want to celebrate my improvements and improve what is around me. I was so scared to admit I struggle with my mental health but by owning up to who I am, I am living proof that what’s tortured me has also set me free.